THE ROUNDUP
Quick takes on a few of today's news items

In what could be the biggest blunder in the history of academia, Cornell University mistakenly sent out congratulatory emails to high school seniors who were previously denied admission. So is Cornell now trying to make even its rejects commit suicide too? Jeez.

The KKK has announced that it would like to support Augusta National's exclusionary policies by holding a rally outside the famed golf course. Is there anything more damning to a movement than getting an endorsement from the Klan?

If you watched the Grammys like I did last Sunday, you were left with one lingering question: Who was that random black guy who went up on stage with the Foo Fighters? For those who missed the ceremony, after Dave Grohl & Co. gave their acceptance speeches, some dude stepped up to the mike and gave effusively praised B.B. King. There was no explanation and the crowd, including a confused-looking P. Diddy, clapped in approval. Well, Entertainment Weekly has identified the mystery man, and it's not the first podium he's crashed. However, we all know that the title of greatest ever must go to 'Ol Dirty "Wu Tang is for the children!!!" Bastard.

 
Rap's monopoly money

I'm having trouble believing that hip-hop's latest feud, between 50 Cent and Ja Rule, is much more than a ploy for increased record sales. While I doubt the two rappers are on each other's Christmas card lists, I get skeptical when looking at it from a business standpoint. 50 Cent is signed to Shady Records, whose parent company is Aftermath Records, whose parent company is Interscope Records, whose parent company is Universal Music Group. Ja Rule records for Murder Inc, whose parent company is Def Jam, whose parent company is... Universal Music Group. The two rappers may roll with different crews, but they pay the bills for the same family.

As a matter of fact, Universal is really the Microsoft of rap music. Earlier this month, Puffy Combs announced that his Bad Boy records was entering into a new deal with Universal, which means Universal now has almost every big-name rapper under it's tent. The Universal roster now includes 50 Cent, Eminem, Dr. Dre, Nelly, P. Diddy, Jay-Z, Ja Rule, Ludacris, DMX as well as the 2 Pac catalog. Ahh, the beauty of corporate consolidation.

 
A quick McNugget of my thoughts

You know, one good thing that has come out of all of the LeBron James hoopla is that he's taken all the hype away from other top high school phenoms. I think it's refreshing that I haven't heard much of anything about any other of the guys named to the McDonald's All-America team. Let the guys go to college without all the excess hype and expectations. Kelvin Torbert was supposedly the best college freshman in America when he entered Michigan St. in 2001. Two years later he's stuck with the "disappointment" label.

And by the way, where can I get a LeBron James throwback jersey? I'd love to walk around wearing a jersey from LeBron's junior high team.

 
Show me some decent roles!

Is there any actor whose career has fallen farther faster than Cuba Gooding Jr? Since his 1997 peak (Oscar win for Jerry Maguire and a turn in As Good As it Gets), Gooding has starred in such acclaimed fare as Chill Factor, What Dreams May Come, Rat Race and Snow Dogs. Next month he stars in Boat Trip, in which he and Horatio Sanz play two straight guys stuck on a gay cruise ship. It's sad to see Cuba's career quietly flush down the toilet like this. The poor man has become a caricature of his own self.

 
THE SHOWDOWN

Today we're evaluating the two most high-profile, volatile, love-em or hate-em announcers in basketball, Bill Walton and Dick Vitale.

Catch- phrases
WALTON:
"That's horrible!"
"Throw it down, big fella!"
"C'mon, make a play!"
"That was the worst pass in franchise history."

VITALE:
"He's awesome, baby!"
"He's a diaper-dandy!"
"He's a PTPer!"
"He's Super Scintilating Sensational!"
"Look at the Cameron Crazies- what an atmosphere!"

Key Personality traits
WALTON: Charmingly optimistic. Espouses ideals of 1970s hippie culture. Often quotes lyrics of Grateful Dead and Bob Dylan.

VITALE: Boundless excitement about absolutely everyone involved in college basketball.

Analyst Skills
WALTON: Gives sharp criticism when warranted. Tends to exaggerate. Appreciates fundamental basketball skills such as the lost art of passing the ball. Provides intriuging player perspective.

VITALE: Is essentially a fan with a microphone. Brings excitement and energy to every broadcast. Likes to create nicknames and catch-phrases for whoever happens to be playing well (e.g. "Everybody Loves" Raymond Felton). Ceaselessly praises every coach in the game, regardless of whether his team is playing.

ESPN.com web column
WALTON: Attempts to be humorous in posting his random musings on random NBA happenings. Interspersed with song lyrics.

VITALE: Not much content. Offers short lists of who he loves this particular week. Features ugly yellow background.

Miscellaneous
WALTON: Has own surreal reality series "Bill Walton's Long Strange Trip." Has deep appreciation for former coach John Wooden. Plays piano. Teeth are so bleached it's blinding.

VITALE: Is blind in one eye. Self depricating with respect to own intellectual prowess. Advocate of college players staying in school. Crowd surfs before big games (see, 1999 Stanford vs. UConn, Maples Pavillion).

Overall Grades:
WALTON: B+
VITALE: C

 
Trailer trash, Trailer heaven

Before I saw the very funny movie Old School on Monday, I of course had to sit through a barrage of trailers. I counted eight of them. I remember when there used to be 3 or 4, mayyyybe 5. But this is getting ridiculous- the movie didn't start until 18 minutes after its showtime.

Anyway, during this "preshow entertainment" session, I saw the best and worst trailers that I've seen in the past year. The best is for X2 the fantastic-looking X-Men sequel. This is the rare trailer that hints at what's in store without giving away too much plot. And most importantly, it increases my desire to see the film.

The worst trailer is for the soon-to-be-panned "horror" film Willard. What a completely ridiculous premise. I can't fathom how this picture got greenlighted, or why anyone (besides perhaps Crispin Glover's mother) would want to see this atrocity. A man who trains an army of rats to attack people? I was one of many people laughing in the theater during the trailer.

 
Hillbilly hulabaloo

Well, reality TV has gotten so big that even congress is throwing in its two cents. Today Georgia Senator Zell Miller blasted CBS for its planned "Beverly Hillbillies" reality show. Miller (and several other southern interest groups) argue that CBS is promoting negative stereotypes and exploiting the poor.

First of all, I'm tired of politicians trying to tell their own people when they've been insulted. Obviously, CBS will have no trouble finding hundreds of families who are more than willing to be whisked away to Beverly Hills and appear on national TV for several months. If Southerners are as smart as Miller says they are, they can decide for themselves whether they're being exploited.

Second of all, Miller's comments are blatantly counterproductive. The surest way to get people excited about something is to call for a ban of it. By stirring up this controversy (which in itself is a nice publicity boost for himself) Miller did CBS a huge favor. With all this free attention and buzz months before the show airs, CBS has another sure hit on its hands.

Thirdly, critics need to get off their high horse with respect to reality TV. It's a legitimate form of entertainment that's enjoyed by millions of educated adults. So stop trying to tell me that The Bachelorette is here to crush our souls. Funny, I don't hear anyone crying about the demise of scripted shows like "3rd Rock from the Sun."

 
Cheers!

Well, here I am finally publishing on the web. I'd like to thank my boy GFunk for getting me started here. I'm at work now, so I've gotta sign out before I get caught. I'll holla at you later!