LIST-O-RAMA: The Best and Worst Teen Movies

This summer Universal will release American Wedding, the third and final installment in the American Pie series. Given that Jim and the Flute Girl are getting married, I think it's safe to say that the turn-of-the-century teen movie genre is finally dead and buried. So I thought I'd take a crack at the identifying the best and the worst the era had to offer. I must preface this by saying that teen movies have an inherent element of stupidity. It's obvious that none of these films had any Oscar aspirations, so let's evaluate the films for what they are (and have the potential to be). Also it should be noted that I have not seen everything, so all you fans of Down to You and Whatever It Takes will just have to bear with me. Herewith, my top and bottom five teen movies from 1996-2003.

THE BEST

1. Scream
The one that started the teen movie trend is still the best overall film, as it has adequately stood the test of time. It's funny, scary, extremely clever and just a great murder-mystery. The gold standard.

2. Varsity Blues
This movie has everything you could hope for in a teen movie: sports triumphs, funny fat guys, strippers, cheesy lines ("I don't want your life!"), alcohol-related hijinks, a great villain (Coach Voight) and of course, cheerleaders covered in whipped cream. Go Mox!!!

3. Cruel Intentions
This movie features two TV stars who use an R-rated movie to play totally against type. Sarah Michelle Gellar is as kinky as ever and Joshua Jackson is as... devilishly gay as ever. Bonus points for Stanford's own Reese Witherspoon. Super extra bonus points for "The Kiss."

4. Bring It On
Who knew Kirsten Dunst could be so sugary and so hot at the same time? This is the teen movie that most surpassed my expectations. And Eliza Dushku had a lot to do with that.

5. American Pie
More memorable scenes than any other movie in the genre. An instant classic.


THE WORST

1. Teaching Mrs. Tingle
Absolute garbage. I think the plot had something to do with an evil teacher, a scholarship and a bungled murder plot. I've tried my best to expunge this movie from memory.

2. I Still Know What You Did Last Summer
There were two things here that particularly irritated me a great deal: 1) Brandy trying to act and 2) that stupid white guy with dreadlocks.

3. Dude, Where's My Car?
I just never got in on the joke, fellas.

4. Final Destination
This movie had scenes that were preposterous even for a supernatural horror flick. Like when the girl gets hit by that ever-so-silent bus? Please.

5. Scream 3
A bitter disappointment to a cap off a great series. Why oh why did screenwriter Kevin Williamson abandon this project to make "Dawson's Creek" and Teaching Mrs. Tingle? Too many plot twists, not enough scariness. Neve Campbell never looked so bored.