VMA Musings

*Hey Madonna, I wonder why you didn't kiss Missy Elliott too?

*Christina Aguilera somehow got shafted by the Madonna Kiss Incident. Not only did MTV cut away from most of Christina's kiss (to show the Justin Timberlake's hilariously petrified reaction) , but today the press completely focused on the Madonna-Britney lip-lock.

*One thing that always annoys me about music-related awards shows is the way that categories are arranged. You have the video of the year category, and then all the sub categories, like Best Video From a Film. Now, if "Lose Yourself" is nominated for video of the year, doesn't it go without saying that it must also be the best video from a film? I mean, the suspense is killed for all of these little sub-categories. I suppose there's no way around it, but this system eliminates all surpise.

*Nice to see LeBron's debut as a corporate pitchman is for the highly regarded Juice Batteries. What, did Bic Cigarette Lighters lowball him?

*Duran Duran's acceptance of their lifetime achievement award had to have been the least enthusiastic tribute ever. You know it's a bad sign when Kelly Osbourne has to implore a lukewarm audience to stand up for your ovation.

*Justin Timberlake really had something going with his Increase-My-Street-Cred-By-Bringing-My-Hip-Hop-Producers-To-The-Podium-With-Me strategy.

*Why oh why did MTV force Coldplay to trim down the length of their "The Scientist" performance? Would anyone really have objected to hearing the extra 50 seconds that were cut out?

*I counted 6 shameless album plugs by the show's winners and presenters. Impressive, but not enough to top Macy Gray's billboard/dress from 2001.

*This year's winner of the Robert DeNiro Memorial Award for the most out-of-place VMA celebrity goes to Ben Stiller and Drew Barrymore, who were there only to plug their upcoming move Duplex. It was shocking how old and awkward they looked. It's hard to believe that just five short years ago, Stiller (who's literally graying) was hosting this show.

*Was I the only one who thought that Linkin Park's Chester Bennington was a little too excited after winning his award? The way he kept triumphantly pumping his arms in the air, you'd think he'd just out-vaulted Kerri Strug or something.

*In perhaps the shocking return to glory since the Ali rope-a-doped George Foreman, that random black guy somehow crashed yet another awards show podium. Against all odds, Nicholas ''Sixx'' King, this guy managed to get to the podium, interrupting Adam Sandler and Snoop Dogg as they presented the Video of the Year award. After getting onstage at the 2001 VMAs and at this year's Grammys, we may have the next Frank "Catch Me If You Can" Abagnale on our hands.

 
A Crown of Burnt Orange

My long wait is finally over as the college football season is finally upon us. Even though I'm a bigger fan of college basketball and the NFL, I think that college football causes me more offseason longing than any other sport. Maybe it's because the season is the shortest in all of sports or because the regular season is so important, given that there's no playoff. But in any case, I'm glad we're back to that time where every Saturday is dominated by a full slate of high stakes match-ups.

Making predictions is always a huge crapshoot, but I can't resist the urge to play prognosticator. Here are my picks for the BCS:

ACC Champ: Florida State
Big East: Va. Tech
Big Ten: Michigan
Big 12: Texas
Pac 10: USC
SEC: Georgia
At large 1: Oklahoma
At large 2: Ohio State

I'm picking Texas over Michigan in the Sugar Bowl. The Wolverines will be led by the fact that their schedule is softer than most years- they have Ohio State and Notre Dame at home and their toughest road game will be at Oregon. Is this the year John Navarre really breaks through and beats the Buckeyes? I'm guessing yes.

As for national-champ-to-be Texas, I'm thinking that the Longhorns will follow the same path as the 1998 Tennessee Volunteers. They've just lost their star, NFL-pedigree QB (Peyton Manning/Chris Simms) who couldn't get over the hump of beating their rival (Florida/Oklahoma). But they still have a stud wideout (Peerless Price/Roy Williams) and star-in-the-making at running back (Travis Henry/Cedric Benson) and a talented D. Starting out without much hype, the team will sneak up slightly under the radar and hoist the title trophy at the end of the season.

Other College Football Thoughts

* I'm not too optimistic about Stanford's chances this season. I'm glad Chris Lewis was named the starter, but all indications are that Coach Teevens is gonna throw Trent Edwards or Kyle Matter into the lineup the second Lewis scews up. And that's gonna be bad for his confidence and for the team as a whole. And can we please get someone decent at running back? Our leading returner rushed for 346 last season. Can we get a juco transfer? Anyone?

* My dream is to take an autumn-long vacation and just tour college football venues. Imagine just going through the Midwest and South, going to a different tailgate every week before attending a rivalry game like Alabama-Auburn or Florida-FSU. Pure heaven.

* Is it just me, or are the nonconference matchups getting better and better each year? Just look at these awesome games we have to look forward to:

Aug. 30: Washington at Ohio St.
Aug 30: USC at Auburn
Sep. 6: Oklahoma at Alabama
Sep. 6: Florida at Miami
Sep. 13: NC State at Ohio St.
Nov. 8: Tennessee at Miami

And this is on top of the annual rivalries like USC-Notre Dame and Miami-FSU. We no longer have to wade through a month of nonconference mismathces to see some quality matchups.

* It's because of these tough nonconference matchups that I'm making a bold prediction: This will be the first year that no team goes undefeated. Every single team in the preseason Top 10 (execpt for Oklahoma) faces at least two very tough opponents. And as I said earlier, the Sooners will lose to Texas.

* I hate Heisman hype. Why does everyone care so much about who wins the award? No other sport has ridiculous campaigns for the MVP trophy. You didn't see "TJ Ford for the Wooden Award!" billboards and he turned out just fine.

* I do, however, love BCS hype. Sure, a playoff would be ideal, but I don't see why everyone loves to bash the BCS so much, especially considering the wee fact that it's way better than the system we had before! There are no more cumbersome split national titles, and everything is much more equitable. With strength-of-schedule as a component, teams are no longer rewarded for feasting on the McNeese St.'s of the world, as Nebraska did throughout the '90s. The two at large bids mean that virtually any program gets a shot (no more complaining, BYU). And what else would we debate about in November and December?

 
The New Jinx

Football fans everywhere were crushed by the news that Michael Vick broke his leg in last night's preseason game. Though he'll only miss about four regular season games, it still means we'll be without the game's most exciting player for at least a quarter of the season.

The more pressing issue arising from Vick's injury was that of the ominous curse that's sweeping the sports world: The EA Sports Madden Cover Jinx. The country's most popular video game, Madden NFL, has been putting players on the it's cover for the last four years, and each player has been subsequently hit with undue malady. The 2001 edition cover (which was released in August, 2000) featured Eddie George, who had just led the Titans to the Super Bowl. After appearing on Madden, he had a subpar, injury-plagued season. The 2002 coverboy, Daunte Caulpepper had just come off of a breakthrough season in which he and Randy Moss tore up the field. His 2001 season was a major setback, as his interceptions went up while the Vikings' win total went down. Last year's victim was, Marshall Faulk, fresh off an MVP season. After the EA curse, his team mysteriously lost their first five games and inexplicably missed the playoffs. And now, a mere three days after the 2004 edition's release, coverboy Michael Vick goes down with a horrific injury. A mere coincidence? Perhaps. But if I were a guy like Jeremy Shockey, when EA Sports comes calling a year from now, I'd run like hell.

 
Summer TV Roundup

Thus far I've been a little disappointed by the tube's offerings this summer. It just seems like in the past few years, there have been more reasons to look forward to primetime TV. But there are always a few diamonds in the televised rough, so I can't comlain too much. Here are some of my thoughts on summer TV:

* While I found "Big Brother" to be a nice guilty pleasure in its first three iterations, I just can't get into this season. This whole "Ex-Factor" has created more negativity than intrigue, and the entire cast is either boring or mean-spirited. The appeal of this show has just vanished for me.

* The best new summer show, by far, is "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy". All the hype directed at this funny, educational, and surpisingly suspenseful show is well-deserved. I'm a big believer in self-improvement and every episode leaves me a little bit inspired.

* There's been a lot of debate about whether "Queer Eye" is a harmful depiction of gay stereotypes- but critics are missing the point. I do think that two or three of the guys tend to fit the "flaming queen" role, but that's a very small aspect of the show. Homosexuality is rarely if ever discussed, and I think it's unfair to label "Queer Eye as the flagship show of gay America."

* I caught the under-hyped VH1 special "ODB on Parole" the other night and was quite pleased. Among the many nuggets of wisdom provided by the newly-named Dirt McGirt: "Yeah I got 13 kids. I pay all their child support. But there's 3... 3 or four of them that I really love." And by the way, how did the Osiris manage to gain 40 pounds while in jail? He looks like Shawn Kemp out there.

* I don't see what all the fuss over "The O.C." was about. Granted it was only one episode, but where was all the soap-opera twists and turns I've been reading about. And can they get the lead character to actually utter a few lines instead of his constant brooding?

* Every season of "The Real World," I go through the same process: Excitedly watch the first few episodes, enjoy the mini-dramas that occur early on, root for the cast members to hook up with each other, start growing irritated with more and more of the cast, eventually hate everyone in the house, stop watching by episode 12. Why do I always do this to myself?

* And speaking of "The Real World: Paris," why does that idiot Adam ALWAYS wear his Stanford gear? He's just dragging our good name down.

* If you aren't watching "Making the Band 2" you're seriously depriving yourself. Every week, a new disaster approaches, every week the band narrowly escapes. And you have to love a show featuring a grown man in a bow-tie; in this case it's P. Diddy's butler, Farnsworth Bentley adding some class to the proceedings.

 
A Cuban Lit Up

Mavericks owner Mark Cuban is taking way too much heat for stating that "from a business perspective, [the Kobe drama] great for the NBA. In the past few days Cuban has been attacked for being an idoit who's bent on self-promotion. But few people are willing to acknowledge the fact that Cuban is absolutely right. For at least the upcoming season, which Kobe will definitely play, the hoopla is certain to spark increased interest in the Lakers. Wherever they go, casual sports fans who don't normally follow the NBA will have an increased interest. There's no denying it.

Besides, how could the scandal really have a negative effect on the league? The NBA's popularity has already bottomed out. Only hardcore basketball fans watched the poorly-rated NBA finals, and they'll still watch in the future even if Kobe gets convicted. NBA fans have stuck it out over the years despite the unsavory antics of Allen Iverson, Ron Artest and the Portland Trailblazers, so why would Kobe turn them off? Let's face it: the league doesn't have many fans to lose. The negative publicity will only serve to attract new eyeballs.

 
The New (Old) Golden Boy

When did Pat O'Brien become the king of all media scoops? The Access Hollywood host/cheerleader has come out of nowhere to land three recent high-profile interviews. First he got the exclusive Affleck/Lopez interview, beating out the likes of Diane Sawyer, Katie Couric and the Exclusive Interview Queen Barbara Walters . I thought "Well, maybe J-Fleck wanted to reward Pat for all the months of fawing and promotion his show has provided for the couple." Then on Tuesday, O'Brien got the now-infamous Mark Cuban interview in which discussed the financial benefits of the Kobe ordeal. At that point I thought "Well, he probably just got lucky. There was no way he expected Cuban to drop that bombshell." But then to top of the interview coup, O'Brien was the first person to land an exclusive interview with Arnold Schwarzenegger immediately after his Tonight Show announcement. Now, I'm thinking "Well, maybe I've underestimated our old friend Pat."

Ever since he took over hosting Access Hollywood, I've felt a little sorry for Pat O'Brien. I mean, for most of the '90s he was a reputable fixture of CBS sports. Every time the Penzoil at the Half college basketball segments came on, there was O'Brien expertly moderating the proceedings. The guy used to be a real, respected journalist before CBS booted him. So I'm glad that he's emerged from the celebrity infotainment heap. With all these exclusive interviews and a recurring segment on the Today show, O'Brien's turning into everything Geraldo Rivera wishes he could be.

 
"A Hopelessly Misconceived Excercise" -NYT

Looks like I was on to someting a few months ago when I proclaimed Gigli to be the summer's least anticipated movie. First, there was a viciously funny story in The Onion on Wednesday. But yesterday we got the full, hilarious brunt of critical wrath against the movie. Writers around the country are having a field day as they contribute to the collective journalistic disembowelment of the film. Rottentomatoes.com, a terrific site that compiles movie reviews, has found that out of 94 reviews, only 5 critics liked Gigli. I think my favorite line comes from the Wall Street Journal's Joe Morgenstern, who notes the movie's "staggering idiocy, fatuousness and pretension."