Later, Buddy

The sky was bluer today. The water in the shower was warmer. My coffee was sweeter. Even the fabric in my sweater was softer. Why?

Because with the Stanford football program free of Buddy Teevens, the world is a better place.

In a move that came a year too late, Buddy got the axe from his old friend Ted Leland. In the days leading up to Big Game, my inkling was that Leland would be stubborn and bring Teevens back for one more year. But once we gave up that 40th point against Cal, I said to my friends at the Old Pro: "I can rest a little easier now." With a true drubbing in Big Game, I figured that that would be enough for Ted to swallow his pride. Today, our wildest dreams came true. In all honesty, this is the best moment for the program since we beat 4th-ranked UCLA in November, 2001. Yes, it has been that long.

So who to replace Buddy and lead us back to respectability? Here's my wish list:

1. Norm Chow, USC offensive coordinator It's mind-boggling that this guy wasn't given a head coaching job during either of the past two offseasons. Before he arrived in LA, Carson Palmer was three years into an underachieving, blunder-ridden career. After Chow arrived, Palmer suddenly won the Heisman and USC became an unstoppable offensive juggernaut. Oh yeah, and before that he was at NC State, where he molded a kid named Phillip Rivers.

Stanford will make an offer, but I have little hope of Chow accepting. Some folks on the Bootleg have said that Chow currently gets paid $500K annually, while Stanford only paid Teevens $450K this past year. It would be a great job for Chow, but he knows he could make more money at a more football-centric school or even in the NFL.

2. Urban Meyer, Utah coach He's an offensive wizard, the rare guy who truly innovates with his schemes. Too bad he's almost certainly going to Florida.

3. Butch Davis, Cleveland Browns coach He resurrected a Miami program that was mired in probations, arrests and general recklessness. After leading the 'Canes to an 11-win season (in which they should have played for the national title) he earned his stripes in the League, even taking the Browns to the playoffs. Davis is likely to be fired by Cleveland very soon and college recruits love coaches with recent NFL experience. Again though, Davis would command a high salary and Stanford might be priced out.

4. Rick Neuheisel, unemployed coach Funny how we haven't heard a peep about this guy recently, isn't it? Here's a guy with success at two BCS schools, a Rose Bowl on his resume, and strong West Coast recruiting roots. Other than the shadiness of his recruiting and gambling violations, Slick Rick would make the most sense for Stanford.

5. Dan Hawkins, Boise St. coach His offense can score at will and he's led his team to a top ten ranking and flirtations with the BCS. He wouldn't command a high salary, has experience recruiting in the West, and would jump at the Stanford job if offerred. Of the guys on this list, Hawkins has the best chance of getting hired.

6. Ron Zook, public whipping-boy Kidding!

 
Faaaaantastic!

Rather than try to offer up any new thoughts on the Pacers/Pistons Pummeling, I will use this post to debunk several popular sentiments that I've been hearing over the past few days:

* The players had a right to defend themselves against fan violence

I do think that once fans enter the playing surface, they put their own safety at risk. However, there really was no need for Ron Artest to punch the portly Detroit fan who approached him on the court-- he could've easily just shoved him out of the way. And there was certainly no need for Jermaine O'Neal to come flying in from ten feet away with his best Felix Trinidad impresssion. There's a difference between self-defense and retaliation, the latter of which was clearly exhibited by O'Neal and Stephen Jackson, who was blatantly seeking out new people to fight in the stands. Many of the ex-players on the ESPN talking-head crew were justifying the Pacers' attempt to seek revenge on the Detroit crowd. If you want to believe in street justice, fine. But don't try and pass that off as self-defense.

* More security is needed at these games

Adding a line of rent-a-cops is not going to stop cups from being thrown, chairs from being tossed and it certainly couldn't contain a throng of 50+ fans determined to attack a group of players (this is obvious to anyone who has seen or participated in a college basketball court-rushing). Adding more security would be like the post-9/11 security added at airports: it may make people feel safer, but it wouldn't stop anyone truly determined to deliver mayhem.

* Alcohol was a big factor in the fans' unruliness

I'll admit that some of the fans had probably been drinking. But even if everyone in the arena was completely sober, the course of events would not have changed. Fans get adrenaline just from being in a sports arena for three hours, and they're sure to get even more jacked up from witnessing a live, unexpected fistfight. All it took to ignite the brawl was one fan (drunk or not, he was just angry) throwing a cup. Once the punches started flying, fans were going to punch back and throw concessions regardless of how much booze was in their system.

* The prep-to-pro movement in the NBA contributed to the fracas

Gee, I don't remember Moses Malone, Garnett, McGrady, or LeBron ever having any fan altercations. Last time I checked, Ron Artest went to St. John's and two years of college certainly didn't make him sane. A college diploma is not going to calm down a 250 pound guy who's been provoked. I can't stand it when people step way out of bounds just to preach their agenda. This is a clear case of the anti prep-to-pro crowd trying to push their point in a totally unrelated situation.

* The Pacers are done

As Bill Simmons writes in his comprehensive column today, the NBA Players Association is likely to get the suspensions reduced. There is a decent chance that Artest will be back by the playoffs. Besides, in the Eastern Conference, all the Pacers have to do is get another 30 wins in the next five months. Six wins per month is very doable, especially with a great coach like Rick Carlisle. Besides, a rested O'Neal and Jackson will be back in January, which gives them plenty of time to make a run down the stretch. I certainly wouldn't want to be the 2 or 3 seed who finds themselves matched up with Indiana in the first round.

 
Catching Up with the NBA

OK I'll admit it-- the start of the NBA season caught me totally off-guard. With all the hysteria over postseason baseball, plus the happenings of the college and pro football season, I was mentally unprepared for the return of The Association. So here, a week late, is my season preview:

* For the first time ever, I've joined a fantasy basketball league this season. I figured it would be a great way to maintain interest in the NBA during the endless regular season (which can be even more monotonous than the baseball season). So far, it's been even more intense than I anticipated: since my league is playing for prize money, my competitors have been making roster adjustments every single night- I'm just trying to keep up. I had a great draft (Yao, Pierce, Amare and Vince Carter were my first four picks) but constantly tinkering with a 13-man roster for the next seven months isn't going to be a piece of cake.

* One of the most under-discussed changes for the new season is the new divisional realignment. Going from four divisions to six is a change that's been long overdue, but I marvel at how unbalanced things are competetively. It's ridiculous that division winners each get one of the top three seeds. For example, the Southeast division is going to be gawd-awful; the Heat will feast on the pathetic competition, "earning" an easy 2 or 3 seed. Meanwhile, the addition of New Orleans means that the Western Conference will be even more cutthroat. If this were the World Cup, the Southwest Division (with the Texas teams, Memphis and N.O.) would be considered the "Group of Death."

* With all the free-agency manueverings and offseason trades, I think the smartest acquisiton of the summer was the Pacers getting Stephen Jackson. Despite his delusions, Reggie Miller does not deserve to be an NBA starter anymore, so Larry Bird was smart to replace him before he completely decomposed.

* Well, I guess Dwyane Wade doesn't plan on being Shaq's sidekick this year.

* Sign #432 that ESPN has completely lost its touch: the network didn't renew David Aldridge's contract. Aldridge is by far the most intelligent, trust-worthy NBA voice on TV, but I guess he doesn't scream enough for ESPN's taste. What hath Stephen A. Smith wrought? Thank goodness TNT had the sense to snap Aldridge right up as soon as ESPN dropped him. Now they need to take the next step and slide DA in at the Inside the NBA desk alongside Ernie, Barkley and Kenny Smith.

* I just don't get these new LeBron Nike ads that have been all over SI.com and ESPN.com. Don't they realize that "Street Fighter II" hasn't been popular for a decade?

* Alonzo Mourning used to be my favorite player way back in his Hornets days. I loved the intensity, the Georgetown background and the fact that he was the anti-Shaq. It was hard to watch him suffer from his kidney ailment and his failed combacks. But it's even harder for me to hear that he now wants to abandon the Nets and be traded to a contender. Alonzo, this is the team that gave you a contract when everyone else left you for dead-- have you no loyalty?

* While their diamond-encrusted championship rings were a bit too gaudy, I must admit that I dig Detroit's championship belts.

* The Chicago Bulls will be the league's most-improved team. Has one team had a better crop of rookies in the past ten years? From all accounts, Andres Nocioni and Ben Gordon both have a strong shot at the Rookie of the Year award, while Luol Deng and Chris Duhon are nothing to sneeze at either. With Kirk Hinrich coming of age this season and Tyson Chandler finally reaching his potential (forget about Curry- he's always be a bust), Scott Skills will push the Bulls to at least a seventh seed.

* Conversely, the Dallas Mavericks are the playoff team headed for a fall. You just can't replace Steve Nash in that offense. Dampier only had the season he did last year because he was in his walk year and he's never been a great rebounder anyway. Let's face it- the Mavs missed their last chance two years ago when Dirk got injured in the conference finals.

* Page 2's newest columnist, Paul Lukas, is the undisputed expert on sports uniforms. His columns are always entertaining and esoteric, and his review of NBA unis doesn't disappoint. What were the Grizzlies thinking with their blatant ripoff of UCLA's logo?

MR. PREDICTO

MVP: Kevin Garnett
Defensive Player: Andrei Kirilenko
Sixth Man: Troy Hudson
Most Improved: Quentin Richardson
Least Improved: Allen Iverson (The guy was great in his prime, but now he's spent)
Coach of the Year: Terry Porter
Biggest star to be traded midseason: Vince Carter
First coach fired: Lenny Wilkens

Eastern Conference Semis:
Detroit over Indiana
Miami over Cleveland

Eastern Conference Finals:
Detroit over Miami

Western Conference Semis:
San Antoino over Phoenix
Minnesota over Sacramento

Western Conference Finals:
Minnesota over San Antonio

NBA Finals:
Minnesota over Detroit

 
Too Close, or Just Too Reluctant?

As advertised, tonight's Presidential election is close as can be. But one thing that's interesting is that the networks have not been in unision when it comes to calling the races. As I type this, NBC, ABC and Fox have projected Ohio's 20 electoral votes to Bush. But CNN and CBS still have Ohio as "too close to call." NBC called the Ohio race about an hour ago, with anchor Tom Brokaw declaring that "this race is all but over." I was quite surprised however, when I turned to CNN and heard Wolf Blitzer insist that Kerry is still alive. I think it's pretty bold of CNN to be so stubborn, especially when it's so likely that Bush will indeed take the Buckeye state. Usually, the news organizations fall all over themselves to be the first to declare a race over. The cynic in me says that CNN is holding off on a call as a ploy to grab ratings. It's like an NFL Sunday- why watch a channel where the contest is over, when on another network, the game still isn't over?Good strategy by the Ted Turner & Co: I've abandoned NBC and I'm tuned into CNN.