The Oscar Rundown

Here are some random thoughts I had while watching last night's Academy Awards:

* I know Charlize Theron was trying to look as glamorous as possible last night (so as to create sharp contrast with her hideous Monster character), but she clearly spent about three hours too long at the tanning salon.

* I was struck by the fact that during the acceptance speeches, during which people thanked everyone from their lawyer to the key grip, none of the award winners thanked the fans. This is the total opposite of award cermonies in the music industry, where the fans are praised effusively by nearly rapper and pop star. The entire movie industry, with its focus on box-office returns and unrelenting publicity, is completely driven by popularity with the moviegoing public (which is pretty much everyone in America). Why are the masses ignored on Oscar night?

* So how exactly did Chris Cooper go from a thin, gray head of hair last year to the thick brown mane he sported last night?

* Sean Penn had nice intentions when he decided to forgo a canned speech in favor of ad-libbing at the podium, but after his rambling, stunted acceptance, I came to appreciate the benefits of a well-thought out oration.

* I usually hate the Best Song performances, but that Allison Krause/Elvis Costllo duet "Scarlet Tide" is a terrific song.

* The producers of the Oscar pre-show clearly were trying to go for the edgy in-your-face style that the kids like these days. How else to explain the intrusive, obnoxious Billy Bush, who had the audacity to go in between the theater seats to interview actors as they sat down mere minutes before the ceremony?

* I love how the only person unafraid to make a fool of themselves last night was the 81 year-old director accepting an honorary award. Blake Edwards' wheelchair hijinks were the most refreshing part of the show.

* When the hard-nippled Angelina Jolie went to the podium present and the cameras hastily zoomed into her face (the same thing that happened to J-Lo two years ago), all it did was call further attention to her offending assets. Don't censors realize that scandalizing something just makes it all the more enticing?

* I understand that the Lord of the Rings trilogy was a tremendous achievement that people want to reward, but it really bothers me that I haven't heard anyone actually say that they thought that Return of the King was a better movie than both Mystic River and Lost in Translation.

* Well now that we've gotten this pesky 2004 ceremony out of the way, it's time to look ahead to next year's Oscars. I predict that the Howard Hughes biopic The Aviator will win Best Picture, as the Academy simply won't allow itself to overlook Martin Scorsese yet again.