The Truth Can't Stop a Good Story

I've come across these two news stories recently and it really troubles me that the media isn't running with them. First, there's the news that Private Jessica Lynch's dramatic rescue in Iraq was largely overblown. It turns out that the Pentagon exaggerated the danger of the mission, as Iraqi witnesses at the hospital are saying that the raid was unnecessary. Funny how the media fell in love with the story of Lynch's ordeal, but now I don't see the true story on the cover of Newsweek.

Then there's the story that Saddam's bunker, which was the target of the war's opening raid, never actually existed. Even though Donald Rumsfeld told us that "there's no question but that the strike...was successful," after the attack, we now learn that it was pretty much for naught. Does this mean that the military started the war based on "intelligence" that turns out was completely false? It's like they stole the plot of this season's 24.

Isn't it funny how stories that are embarrassing for the Pentagon (like the traitorous soldier who fired on his own batallion) are so easily forgotten by the American media?

 
Best Quote I've Heard in a While

From SI:
When the San Francisco Giants acquired a minor league outfielder from the Atlanta Braves last year in the Russ Ortiz-Damian Moss trade, his name was Manuel Mateo. But when baseball and the U.S. Immigration and Naturalization Service completed a crackdown on false documentation used by Latin American players, they discovered Mateo's name was really Melvin Valdez. "In this case," Braves general manager John Schuerholz told the Atlanta Journal & Constitution, "it truly was a trade for a player to be named later."

 
LIST-O-RAMA
The best TV of 2002-2003

It's been a week since the TV season ended and tube junkies like me are suffering everywhere. There's nothing like having your weekday evenings free, 50-plus channels to choose from and a television set full of reruns. But it's time to reflect, nay, bask in the morsels of goodness we had in the recently passed season. Herewith:

10. American Idol (Fox): Sure the last 11 weeks were almost pure filler interspersed with a few scraps of drama. But the show's first 3 weeks, with its hilariously entertaining auditions were television moments to cherish.

9. Dismissed (MTV): TV's best reality dating show is it's most shameless: the viewer is in for at least two makeout sessions every show. The show also gets bonus points for being the only dating show that occaisionally features gay couples. The men are always catty; the lesbians are always ridiculously hot.

8. Life With Bonnie (ABC): What looks like another lame family sitcom is actually a really funny change of pace. This is what happens when you get good actors doing well-written comedy.

7. Platinum (UPN): Why oh why did UPN cancel their only watchable show? This intriguing look at the hip-hop industry was filled with entertaining characters and plots that were wild but not unbelievable.

6. 24 (Fox): Somehow a show that started out as a riveting, mysterious action-packed thriller lost its way with about 6 hours ago. But a few weak subplots down the stretch don't completely diminish this smart, highly original thriller.

5. Without a Trace (CBS): This well-acted drama proves that you don't need five different subplots with weird twists to keep the viewers attention. I wish more cop shows would focus only one case per episode like Trace. And yes, it is OK to show that cops have personal lives.

4. Chappelle's Show (Comedy Central): I was amazed at how consistent this show stayed throughout its run. Chappelle is one of the most underrated comics out there and here he was given free reign to push every envelope and speak any truth no matter how un-PC.

3. The Daily Show (Comedy Central): Jon Stewart has added a great deal of intelligence to the show in the past six months and his jokes reap the benefits. This is by far the smartest political commentary on any TV network today. And his crack team of correspondents never disappoint. One criticism: More Frank DeCaro, less Lewis Black.

2. Six Feet Under (HBO): The Fisher family continues to bring us the most honest, realistic characters you'll ever meet. I most love the way Six Feet Under uses its funeral parlor setting to show death to teach us all about life. Thank God I had HBO this spring; now I can't wait for the previous season to come out on DVD.

1. Pardon the Interruption (ESPN): I've already gone off about the many virtues of this show, but I didn't mention the best aspect of it: No summer hiatus. No matter what time of year, no matter how slow the previous sports day, Kornheiser and Wilbon will undoubtedly find something interesting to debate.

 
Wrong numbers

I was glad to see that the Red Sox denied Roger Clemens in his bid to win his 300th game against his former team. Although, all the gratuitous hype about Clemens over the past week reminds me of how overrated sports milestones are. Records are one thing, as feats like hitting 73 HRs or throwing 48 touchdowns in a season are to be celebrated. But just because 10,000 (career assists) and 500 (career homers) are nice round numbers, there's no need to throw a parade. Sure Clemens will only be the 21st pitcher to get to 300, but he's already the 21st pitcher to get to 299. We went through the same thing last season when Barry Bonds approached 600 homers and the media just beat the story to death. There are more than enough historical statistics to keep track of in sports, we might as well focus on meaningful records and not just milestones that look nice.

 
I want a loser

I did indeed watch the last 15 minutes of the American Idol finale, and as I had long hoped, Alabama's finest took home the title. I felt bad watching Ruben literally sweat it out in the final moments, but hopefully that $1 million recording contract can buy him some "205" sweat towels. But the thing that really struck me was that Simon Cowell announced that runner-up Clay Aiken had also signed to RCA and that the two finalists would be releasing their albums on the same day. So we're left to wonder- what exactly did Ruben win? Sure he gets a few more Good Morning America appearances than Clay, but after the post-show hype dies down, the two men will get exactly the same start to their music careers. Wouldn't it be better if there were a greater punishment for the losing contestants? Like if you don't win, you're banned from recording for two years. Or you're forced to be the American Idol's backup singer. I don't like this "everybody's a winner" mentality. Reality shows should be about 15 minutes of fame for one person, 15 seconds of shame for everyone else.

 
Mistrial

Jeez, I guess TV stars aren't immune to the shitty economy either. In a rather shocking development, Dylan McDermott, Lara Flynn Boyle and four other cast members got axed from The Practice today. What really baffles me is that the show was on the brink of cancellation two weeks ago, but was renewed by ABC at the last minute. Why bother bringing it back if it's going to be in such a severely bastardized form? I stopped watching this show a few seasons ago, but it's obvious that the show can't survive if you try to replace its marquee stars- this isn't Menudo here. I predict the revamped version will be cancelled by Christmas.

 
The End of Double-Speak?

I was happy to hear that the smarmy, duplicitous Ari Fleischer will be stepping down as White House Press Secretary. Every time I heard that guy give one of his uninformative, equivocal, smart-alecky and even untruthful news conferences, it just made me dislike the administration even more. God help the poor woman he married, who will now be subject to hearing his bullshit around the house all day long. Granted, this is one of the hardest jobs in all of politics, but the least you can do is be as consistent and straightforward with your press corps. It is indeed possible to maintain secrets of national security without sounding so crypitc all of the time. Why can't we get The West Wing's Alison Janney to replace him? After four years of President Bartlett's improbable fiascos she could certainly handle Dubya.

 
Reload Off My Chest

Well I just came back from finally seeing The Matrix Reloaded. It sure didn't disappoint. Some of the dialouge, particularly towards the end, was a little too cerebral (read: confusing), but the beautiful action sequences and strong character development more than outweighed the film's shortcomings. And I've never felt so in love with a character as I was while watching Trinity. Wow, I wish I could be Neo for just one night.

The great thing about finally having seen the movie is that my war with The Establishment is finally over: no one was able to spoil this movie for me! I avoided all Matrix-related media (including two Entertainment Weekly cover stories in one month). I changed the channel whenever a commercial came on. I covered my ears when the idiots sitting behind me started talking about the movie minutes before it started. But I have prevailed and I was able to see Reloaded with a clean slate. And I'm sure it was worth it. Every gorgeous shot of the movie was fresh and new and it was great going through the film without any idea what was to come. Now, having seen the teaser trailer to Revolutions (a nice reward for those who sat through the end credits), a new anticipation begins as does a new battle to stay uninformed.

 
Wise words on Page 2

I highly recommend Bill Simmons's sprawling ESPN.com column on the NBA playoffs. There are dozens of funny, insightful takes here, many of which had previously crossed my mind, such as:

*How did Dikembe Mutumbo just disappear into a state of utter dilapidation? Man, did he get old quick.
*The Draft Lottery is going to be a must-see event, especially now that ABC is putting it in prime time. I'll have my phone in hand with the Warriors season ticket line on speed-dial for when we win the LeBron sweepstakes.
*How absurd is the speculation that 1) Jordan might un-retire just to spite the Wizards, 2) He might join the Lakers and 3) So might Pippen and Karl Malone? Could you imagine having five future Hall-of-Famers in a starting lineup being coached by Phil Jackson?
*Mateen Cleaves, while being my favorite non-Stanford college basketball player ever, looks ridiculous on the Sacramento bench. I still can't believe he had the audacity to wear a green full-length Michigan St. warmup suit last weekend.

 
Under Cover Pop

I like those new Apple ads for its new online music store. The commercials feature regular-looking people singing along to their iPod infront of a white background (in the same style as last year's Apple iPhoto ads). I think it's particularly interesting that the girl singing Pink's "Get the Party Started" is a much better singer than Pink. In fact, a lot of pop singers have voices that aren't as good as the songs that they sing (Madonna and Jennifer Lopez come to mind). Its funny how sometimes you hear a cover of a song by a new artist and it makes you realize that "hey, this is actually a pretty well-written song." I have this reaction whenever the radio plays a Dave Grohl acoustic version of a Foo Fighters song like "Everlong" and "Times Like These."

 
Save College Sports As We Know It!

I'm really unhappy about the iminent plans to expand the ACC to twelve schools. First of all, I hate the fact that Syracuse basketball will be leaving the Big East. Their long-standing rivalry with Georgetown is one of the best in college basketball, harking back to the days of John Thompson, Billy Owens, Alonzo Mourning and Sherman Douglass. I hope they'll still schedule some non-conference games with their old Big East foes.
Secondly, the expansion to 12 teams ruins the round-robin format of the ACC regular season. It's so much fairer when every team plays every other team home-and-home. But now, the ACC is going to turn into a conference like the Big 12, where Kansas and Oklahoma only meet once a year. Now the Pac-10 will be the only power conference to keep the round-robin format.
Thirdly, I'm not a huge fan of conference championship games in football. The leagues like them because they generate millions, but they never match up the two best teams in the conference. For example, Texas and Oklahoma are usually the two best teams in the Big 12, but they're both in the South division. In the new ACC, Florida State and Miami will likely be in the same division and thus would never play for in the title game despite being the obvious football powers.
Lastly, this move is going to severely weaken several other conferences. The Big East's stint as a football power is obviously over, Big East basketball will have to scramble to survive while Conference USA and the Atlantic 10 will both be raided of its best teams. Here's hoping for some last-minute snafu that will derail this unfortunate development.

 
Stanford Speedos Representin'

Now, there's no disputing that Stanford sophomore water polo star Tony Azevedo is the best player in the country, as he's already led his team to two national titles in two years. But my eyebrows raised more than a little bit when I read that Men's Journal has named Azevedo as the 7th-best athlete in the world. Better than Lance Armstrong? Kobe Bryant? Roy Jones Jr? I'm not even sure he's better than Serena Williams. While I do applaud the panel from Men's Journal for looking at athletes from a wide range of sports, it's stupid to think that picking one guy from each sport will give an accurate list of the world's best athletes. If you took every pro athlete in the world and put them in an all-skills athletic competition, I'm pretty sure NBA and NFL players would make up about 70% of the list.

 
THE ROUNDUP

Time magazine's Joe Klein has written a compelling cover story about the general ineptitude of the 2004 Democratic presidential candidates. Klein offers three specific remedies for this woebegone party but it boils down to one solution: the candidates need to stop trying to be everything to everyone and show some conviction.

Tonight MTV rolls out its latest reality show, Surf Girls. As the title suggests, it's basically Survivor meets Blue Crush. I'm not exactly blown away by the premise but I'm just glad the network is giving us something new after weeks of endless marathons of Punk'd, Real World/Road Rules Challenge and Sorority Life.

I'm so glad that radio is finally starting to embrace the beautiful Coldplay song "The Scientist." I've been loving this gem ever since the album came out last August and every time I hear it I become more convinced that Coldplay is the best band in the world today.

 
The Western Conference Final Four

Well, well, well. An already-awesome Western conference playoffs got even more interesting yesterday. The Lakers' win in Game 3 totally changed the dynamic of that entire series. I've always felt that Game 3 is the key to any seven-game series in any sport. It represents a big turning point in terms of momentum and I feel like whoever wins Game 3 becomes the team to beat. Even though the Spurs still have home-court advantage I think Game 4 is a must-win for both teams. Whoever wins Sunday will win the series.

The loss of Chris Webber is obviously terrible for the Kings. Webber has been the closest thing they have to a go-to guy this year, and so far Mike Bibby hasn't resembled his Johnny Clutch act of last year's playoffs. Even though Sacramento has more offensive weapons than any other team in the NBA, each one of their players is succeptible to vanishing in any given game. The door is open for a Dallas upset, but I don't see it happening. I don't put much stock in the Mavs 132-point performance on Thursday, since you can't expect that every game. While Dirk Nowitzki has played like a superstar he's not getting nearly enough support from the other starters. If Nash doesn't improve his offense soon, they should start Van Exel, who's had the hot hand lately.

 
Gimme my PTI

ESPN's Pardon the Interruption is quickly becoming my favorite TV show. When I first started watching I was lukewarm, but I've slowly fallen in love with the show's format, where the two hosts, Kornheiser and Wilbon, move from topic to topic with no time for long-winded diatribes. The key is that all of their arguments are concise and well-reasoned, so that it's informative even if they make statements that I disagree with. A lot of TV and radio commentators go for low blows and easy laughs, but Kornheiser and Wilbon actually manage to give competent insight in an entertaining way.

Now my biggest problem is that I rarely get to see the damn show! It airs at 2:30pm out here and for a while earlier this year, ESPN2 would consistently rerun the show every night at a more reasonable hour. But ever since the NHL and NBA playoffs started, ESPN2's primetime schedules are completely erratic, meaning PTI comes on at 8:30 one night, 11:30 the next night and then not at all the night after that. Why can't they trim down Baseball Tonight (which essentially runs the same highlights as Sportscenter these days) to half an hour and then run PTI every night? Or just tack the show on to the end of Sportscenter (along with the new nightly edition of Outside the Lines). If things don't change, I'm gonna have to start setting my VCR to record it every afternoon. Drastic measures are necessary when a sports junkie like me needs his fix.

 
Play for Pain

Tough, tough blow for the Giants losing closer Robb Nen for the entire year. Even though the Giants have done well without him so far, the G-Unit will surely miss him later in the year when they need to finish off close games. That's the damndest thing about baseball: everyday players stay relatively healthy compared to guys in other sports, but pitchers just get these devastating arm injuries. You see a guy like Nen or A.J. Burnett, who'll be out 18 months after Tommy John surgery, and you have to wonder: are pitchers the most vulnerable athletes in all of sports?

The occasional basketball player tears an ACL, but most never lose their shooting touch and are able to return to the game with relative success. Tennis players and golfers usually recover from their injuries pretty quickly. Quarterbacks surely take their share of hits and concussions over a career and running backs probably have the most wear-and-tear on their bodies which is why they tend to have short careers (e.g. Terrell Davis, Jamaal Anderson). In fact pretty much all football players, hockey players and boxers suffer tremendous reprecussions after their careers are over as their skeletons are basically out-of-whack for the rest of their lives. But violence is so ingrained in those sports that you kind of have to accept that injuries will be a natural part of them.

But I don't think there are any athletes more succeptible to career-threatening injury than pitchers. How many times have we seen a guy have a season-ending arm injury and then never return to his old form? You blow out an arm and it might never be the same. So you can't really begrudge these guys when they demand big contracts- every pitch could be your last.

 
MTV: WTF?

The more I catch snippets of shows like Fraternity Life, Punk'd, and Real World/Road Rules Challenge, the more I realize that MTV has just become a haven for bleeped-out profanity. Not that I have a problem with swearing, but I just think it's kind of funny that a network who's core audience watches while doing their long division homework has more cursing than any other channel. And it's not like pre-teens and teens aren't smart enough to figure out what Jack Osbourne means when he says "Go f*ck yourself." At this point, the bleeps serve no purpose- I mean, who's kidding who? People like these shows because it's reality TV, so you might as well give it to them real.

 
LIST-O-RAMA
Least-Anticipated Summer Movies

It would be fairly easy and unoriginal for me to wax prolific on the most anticipated movies of the summer, so I thought it would be more fun to take on the ugly side. So while I will surely be at the theater for The Matrix Reloaded, The Italian Job, S.W.A.T., The Hulk and Charlie's Angels 2, here are some movies that I will avoid like the plague this summer:

5. Pirates of the Carribbean. So I guess this movie is for people who love the Disneyland attraction, but wish it were two hours long and featured Johnny Depp as one of the dirty swashbucklers. An army of skeletons is also prominently featured in this movie, so the special effects will undoubtedly be terrible.

4. Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life. The title enough makes me want to groan. I suppose they figured Angelina Jolie's hotness would be enough to make audiences forget that the first movie sucked ass. Not this clever bloke.

3. The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. I have no idea why anyone would want to adapt this comic book about a group of characters from 19th century literature who band together to save the world. Sean Connery clearly got bamboozled into signing on to this surefire trainwreck, which was beset by difficulties during production. I think it's especially telling that this movie is being alternately advertised as LXG and The League. They can't decide how best to package this monstrosity.

2. From Justin to Kelly. So many red flags here. First of all, it's a musical comedy. Second of all, the release date has been pushed back about 4 times. Third of all, not even American Idol fans give a rat's ass about Justin Guarini anymore. Fourth of all, any movie featuring large-scale dance numbers on a beach is doomed to the Battlefield Earth circle of movie purgatory.

1. Gigli. The reason why the first of two Affleck-Lopez movies will fail can best be explained by this plot description, as written in Entertainment Weekly: "Affleck plays a bottom-rung hitman named Larry Gigli-- a faltering tough guy who kidnaps a prosecutor's mentally impaired brother. When Gigli begins to feel sorry for his abductee, his bosses send in a lesbian contract killer (Lopez)." This preposterous premise will surely make this the new Swept Away, a cautionary tale for actors who work with their lovers. The two of them get enough criticsm working solo; the press will have a feeding frenzy once they see them work together. If this movie is as bad as it looks, at least we know that Kevin Smith's Jersey Girl will have to be an improvement.

 
He Should Just Call Himself "a.k.a"

As the saying goes, Wu-Tang Clan ain't nothin to fuck wit. That's right kids, 'Ol Dirty Bastard is out of jail and he's just signed with Jay-Z's Rocafella Records. Not only that, the man sometimes known as Russell Jones, Big Baby Jesus and Osiris has a new moniker: Dirt McGirt. And it doesn't stop there: the Mr. McGirt will also be the star of his own VH-1 reality series, "On Parole with ODB." No, I am not joking. For those who need more proof, check out this detailed transcript of yesterday's press conference.

 
Dreaming of Some All-Star Treachery
I'm very glad that Major League Baseball is going forward with the plan to award World Series home-field advantage to the winner of the All-Star game. I hated the previous system of alternating the series based on what year it was- why base home field on something that has nothing to do with baseball? I think the new plan will re-energize the All-Star game as now the players have something to motivate them. This plan also provides the delicious possibility of player treason: Let's say the Yankees have a 10 game lead at the all-star break and are well on their way to the AL pennant, while the bumbling Red Sox have already given up hope of contention. Who's to say that Pedro Martinez wouldn't intentionally toss up a few meatballs to Bonds and Sosa to ensure that his Bronx rivals would be forced to go on the road in October? Baseball players are all about grudges and retribution and I don't think tanking an exhibition game out of spite would be unfathomable. How great would it be to see players try to screw each other over on baseball's grandest stage?

 
Scrapheap material

Netscape came out with their list of the Top 10 ugliest cars of 2003. I think the monstrosity that is the Pontiac Aztek is the most deserving recipient here, and I know BA will agree with me. I'm also glad that this list called out the Subaru Imprezza, whose hood grill continues to befoul our streets. Then there's the revolting Chevy Avalanche; it seems the goal there was to pile as much gray plastic on the exterior as possible.

 
American Life

Here at work I'm toiling on this marketing project in which we're looking at population and demographics. My manager handed me this huge binder filled with all kinds of eye-opening statistics. A few facts about our country that I did not realize:

* In 2002 the US population was 288 million. Next year we'll go over the 300 million threshold.

* By 2020, one out of five people in America will be Hispanic.

* Phoenix is the 6th largest city in America by population. Other cities in the top 30 include El Paso, TX (23), Fort Worth, TX (27) and Tucson, AZ (30).

* There are more black people in the New York metro area (3.5 million) than there are in the entire state of Texas (2.4 million).

The country is changing very quickly but I don't think most people (the media especially) realize it. It's safe to say that what you see on TV doesn't even come close to reflecting this country as a whole.